Until last week, we of Fine Bagels had never seen a real, live, Great Dane. Like the Right Whale, the Giant Panda, and the Woolly Mammoth, the only time we’d ever seen one before this was the time we found one thawing in the ice near a Barents Sea fish-packing plant. We don’t need to tell you how that ended. So when Ludwig showed up for bagels, it hit us that, in fact, we’d never really seen one of these things before. We thought we had, but we were just confusing them with Weimaramers.What we liked about Ludwig is that he is more or less a pony. The pony we never had. The pony we resent never having had.We talked to Tim, Fine Bagels baker and manservant to Ludwig:
Fine Bagels: Do you ever ride Ludwig?
Fine Bagels: But your girlfriend is a lot smaller than you. Has she ever ridden Ludwig?
Tim: Only for a little while.
Fine Bagels: Have you ever done dressage?
Fine Bagels: Does Ludwig ever try to sleep in your bed or sit on your lap? We once had a beagle who did that.
Tim: No, but he tries. He has his own bed but since he’s so big, it takes him about five minutes to get comfortable.
Fine Bagels: So what you’re saying is that the two of you have never spooned?
Tim: No. I’m not saying that. We spoon. On the floor.
Fine Bagels: So who…
Tim: Ludwig is the big spoon.
Fine Bagels: Unbelievable.
Fine Bagels: So you take him out on walks and stuff, huh? Do you bring Hefty bags?
Fine Bagels: (In best John Inman) Massive bin-liners.
Tim: Oh, it’s a double bag job for sure.
Fine Bagels: Guess you guys have some kind of gentleman’s understanding about that one?
Tim: I suppose we do.Lifestyle-choice Ludwig taking up a hell of a lot of space while he man-spreads on the floor.Ludwig got a treat and left.