Customer Style: Ludwig

DSC_0451Until last week, we of Fine Bagels had never seen a real, live, Great Dane. Like the Right Whale, the Giant Panda, and the Woolly Mammoth, the only time we’d ever seen one before this was the time we found one thawing in the ice near a Barents Sea fish-packing plant. We don’t need to tell you how that ended. So when Ludwig showed up for bagels, it hit us that, in fact, we’d never really seen one of these things before. We thought we had, but we were just confusing them with Weimaramers.DSC_0428What we liked about Ludwig is that he is more or less a pony. The pony we never had. The pony we resent never having had.DSC_0424 (1)We talked to Tim, Fine Bagels baker and manservant to Ludwig:

Fine Bagels: Do you ever ride Ludwig?

Tim: No.

Fine Bagels: But your girlfriend is a lot smaller than you. Has she ever ridden Ludwig?

Tim: Only for a little while.

Fine Bagels: Have you ever done dressage?

Tim: What?

Fine Bagels: Does Ludwig ever try to sleep in your bed or sit on your lap? We once had a beagle who did that.

Tim: No, but he tries. He has his own bed but since he’s so big, it takes him about five minutes to get comfortable.

Fine Bagels: So what you’re saying is that the two of you have never spooned?

Tim: No. I’m not saying that. We spoon. On the floor.

Fine Bagels: So who…

Tim: Ludwig is the big spoon.

Fine Bagels: Unbelievable.

Fine Bagels: So you take him out on walks and stuff, huh? Do you bring Hefty bags?

Tim: What?

Fine Bagels: (In best John Inman) Massive bin-liners.

Tim: Oh, it’s a double bag job for sure.

Fine Bagels: Guess you guys have some kind of gentleman’s understanding about that one?

Tim: I suppose we do.DSC_0435Lifestyle-choice Ludwig taking up a hell of a lot of space while he man-spreads on the floor.DSC_0475 (1)Ludwig got a treat and left.


Customer Style: Bella, Blue, Kimi and Miu

In the words of a great Cohen, what da fuck is dat man?DSC_0143There are few things that will crack our icy demeanor at Fine Bagels. Puppies are one of them. These dogs are wicked old but please don’t be all hyper-literal on us and tell us that they’re not puppies (we’re looking at you, Central Europe). All dogs are puppies until the day they go to the farm. Fact. Bela and Blue are almost seven and Miu and Kimi are 10-years-old. They ALL have birthdays in May. This just led us to Google “how long are dogs pregnant for?” Answer: About 63 days. Using simple math, the only conclusion we can draw is that they were all conceived on Valentine’s Day. You’ll surely find the same.DSC_0131Look at that. They are no bigger than a bagel!DSC_0149So what are these tiny beasts? They’re Prague Ratters and they were all born in the Czech Republic and now they live with Larissa and Michael from Preussen Rattler vom Friedrichshain. Larissa somehow managed to eat a bagel while the puppies pranced gayly around her. It was the most impressive act of bagel consumption we’ve seen all year. All we could do was stand around blabbering at the dogs in an infantalized coo. Adding a bagel to that mix would have required the kind of multi-tasking skills that we lost once we moved to Berlin.

Michael says that Miu is the nicest and the favorite. Larissa says that Kimi is the nicest. We suggested they tell them that.