Once a year we throw down the gauntlet and ask our customers (nag our friends) to doll up a bagel, take a picture, and indulge our social media approval-addiction cycle. Last year’s winner was one Ms. Alice Connew who charmed the judges (Helen K. Fine) with this savory treasure.
Ms. Connew was the recipient of The Grand Prize of 2015, a bagel brunch for twelve. Had we been the winners of our own prize we’d probably have to go feed half of it to the ducks at Weissensee but fortunately Ms. Connew is a popular girl with human friends. This is what she did with her prize:
2016’s participants ran the gamut from dull and half-hearted to thrilling and seductive. We present to you the finalists for the 2016 Fine Bagels September Bagel Challenge. Winners to be announced next week.
First up is by @berlinandcoconuts. The concept is a shakshuka bagel. Since it’s common knowlege that Israelis don’t know from good bagels, perhaps this is a disguise to encourage bagel-eating across the diaspora. A bagel in shakshuka clothing, if you will. Or maybe it’s just tasty fusion. Either way, clever, very clever.
Next up is a second submission from @berlinandcoconuts. What is she trying to do to us here? She wants we should get all pervy about a bagel? This one is topped with fresh figs, goat cheese, chives, fig jam, lavender honey, and mâche. Damn right we’ve got the circumflex in there. This is a sweet-salty dream.
Next up is Lizzie Dieckermann’s big pile-o-Berlin on a bagel. If that sounds indelicate, it’s not. We love it. She’s calling this The Kreuzberg Breakfast (Anti-AFD Bagel). For those of you unfamiliar with the AFD, take a minute to acquaint yourself via this New Yorker profile.
Lizzie describes it: Eggs softly scrambled with onions, peppers, tomatoes , parsley and sucuk (garlic sausage) Looks nothing like the intended dish (Menemen) but tasted great on a sesame bagel toasted nice and crunchy to resemble its cousin, the simit. Thank goodness Berlin isn’t just pork and potatoes.
For such a sweet next entry, Megan Archer surprised us all and used a curse word in her bagel description. She says, “This decadent delight is comprised of a honey oat bagel made into French toast with free-range eggs and coconut milk. It is then topped with creme-fraiche (too lazy to insert appropriate French accents twice in one post), caramelized banana, toasted walnuts, and a honey drizzle. It was fucking delicious.”
Megan, we believe you. It looks fucking delicious. But do you know who judges this competition? Our grandmother. You’re clearly forgotten what happened the last time we used that kind of language in a blog post. Be ready to be lectured on the vastness of the English language. The infinite ways to express emphasis without vulgarity.
“What has happened to the millions of wonderful nouns and verbs that remain unused in our vocabulary They are dying of neglect…..” -Helen Fine after we quoted John Waters to her. Good luck, Ms. Archer. May she not judge you too harshly.
The cutest couple in Berlin, Chris and Annika from OoohBerlin, are also in the running with their Bagel Challenge submissions. Going for a new technique, they gave us two breakfasts on one bagel. They explain:
Aussie Brunch vs. English Breakfast. Featuring on the Aussie side: homecured bacon, avocado smash, beetroot, goat’s cheese and a poached egg! For the Brits: homecured bacon, bourbon infused baked beans, scrambled egg, fried mushroom, and tomato.
Bourbon infused baked beans?! What lengths they’ve gone to. Nana, you enjoy a tipple. Take note.
So this one time, we were travelling in Latvia and our companion told us he wanted to find “the ice cream with the bread.” Since only hours earlier he’d asked us, “How you call that magnificent animal?” (duck), perhaps you get a sense for the level of English proficiency we were dealing with. So we assumed “the ice cream with the bread” was just his way of saying he wanted a cone. Or something.
No. In Latvia, they have “the ice cream with the bread.” Where in more decadent places you might have ice cream crammed with brownies or candies or rippled with fudgy things, in Latvia, you can get shreads of an honest peasant loaf bouldering through your vanilla.
What are we getting at? Well, that bread and ice cream is a thing. At least somewhere. And segue:
Chris and Annika’s second Bagel Challenge entry is:
“The Triple C Delight. A creamy cherry coconut dream! The bagel has been dipped in Belgian milk chocolate and is holding three generous scoops of creamy coconut ice cream and fruity delicious cherry Gruetze and sprinkled with coconut shavings to top it off!”
The ice cream with the bread:
We are so charmed by the next one. Really. Our snark completely fails us here. We have no room for sarcasm. It’s just lovely. Kleo Krietz created these next two. Her gentle water color design work pleased us so much we almost didn’t notice how tasty her bagels look.
Here’s Kleo’s description:
“First of all the Bageldict Cumberbatch, a super fancy fig and cucumber-spaghetti topped bagel topped with honey and sparkles of feta cheese. It is super tasty and easy to make and impresses everyone who takes a bite.
The next one is the Salmaniac, a salmon bagel you can get addicted to. The selfmade honey- mustard sauce fits perfectly to the rich taste of the grilled salmon which has a pepper crust, to add a little more spice.”
Last up is Georgia Daley, sweet young thing who took a Fine Bagel places no Fine Bagel had gone before. Where that is exactly, we can’t say for sure, but we doubt it was consensual. Georgia, what have you done? Without further ado, the last of our finalists, “Ich bin ein Berliner.”
From the maker of last year’s “Heart throb” bagel comes the sequel, the “Ich bin ein Berliner.” Ever wondered what happens when the younger cousin of the Heart-throb comes to visit? This take on the classic Berliner Pfannkuchen pretty much sums it up. This deep-fried cinnamon sugar bagel covered in a thick layer of white icing sugar seems sweet and innocent to the naked eye. However its true colours are revealed with the first bite as the bagel explodes with strawberry marmalade and all bets are off…You know what they say: Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls go to Berlin!”
Last year’s submission from Ms. Daley, “The Heart Throb.” See below: